I’m angry. Do you get judged by other health care providers. Excuse your history of depression or anxiety?
Today, I felt judged. It’s happened before with friends or even strangers when I mention the word Therapist or Psychiatrist, that look, like are you crazy look? They mean well but mental health gets a bad wrap. It makes me to question my decision to send my daughter to the few therapy sessions a year our insurance covers as soon as she can talk. Not for my reasons but so she is used to talking to someone else besides her parents about her problems. I’ve seen how therapy has helped me gain confidence and knowledge of myself and life.
But today, a consultation with a pain management doctor. Oh you see a psychiatrist? Ok then his plan was to increase my depression and anxiety meds. I say “excuse me but I don’t want my meds increased, my psychiatrist has been seeing me for 2 years and doesn’t even think I am depressed. Well he thinks I’m depressed because of pain, not for other reasons”. He proceeded to pretend like he was listening and then prescribe me random drugs he said maybe will help!
Made me so angry I could do nothing but cry! Now I’m just like next doctor maybe I won’t tell them I see a therapist. The doctor today asked why I see a therapist. And I said I was raped in college and molested by my brother growing up. Later he couldn’t even say those words just saying well ugh, your traumatic past is what’s causing your pain. You should buy a book about cognitive behavior. I said “sir, I have a book about it, I studied it in college.” Well then, you know how mind can play tricks on you, you mind is telling you you’re in pain when you aren’t. “excuse me but I swam, all growing up, I swam in college, long practices, hard training and I’ve never felt pain like this. Almost two years full of pain more than 50% worst than my worst training day. Worst than when I strained most of my back muscles swimming, more than when I chipped my ankle jumping of the roof of our shed. I’m not imagining this pain, it is not in my head.”
Automatically he just said well try swimming. “I have, it isn’t worth the way I felt that night and next day”. Well you can do therapeutic stuff in the pool, you learned it in school you can come up with something. My eyes raise and I just stare at him. Ok, I’ll refer you to physical therapy. “Thank you,” I said. Just stared. I can refer you to rheumatology. “My doctor referred me to rheumatology and neurology and they both were denied, they only approved you” and stared again.
Well you don’t need to be on pain medicine. That will make you worse. I could tell he was judging me. Thinking I was drug seeking. “Sir, I don’t want pain meds, they make me sick. I don’t want to mask the pain. I want to figure out what is going wrong, and fix it. That’s all I’ve wanted for 2 years and no one is willing to help but my psychiatrist and he can only do so much.”
Well, that sounds good. Walks out the door. Returns with a prescription and my two referrals.
He didn’t even feel my trigger points. Touch my feet or hands or back for that matter. I felt like he heard therapy and he was ready to leave.
It’s happened before. With my primary doctor. She just tells me to go see my psychiatrist now. And I’m like “I SEE HIM, MORE THAN YALL, he said to come see you!” Well she said, there is nothing more I can do for you.
Anger. I feel anger towards how ignorant they can be about people dealing with mental health issues. I am not crazy because my brother molested me. I’m not crazy because two guys raped me. I’m going crazy cause you arrogant ignorant people won’t take me seriously.
I encourage everyone to go see a therapist. They are (normally) an unbiased person to throw everything that’s going on in your head at and get unbiased advice. Not like friends or family that often tell you what you want to hear or what they want you to hear. They help you come to a conclusion, figure out solutions.
Next time, I’ll suggest my doctors go to therapy to get over their fear of dealing with people with depression and anxiety. At least that make me feel better.
But today, I was polite. In tears but polite. Scheduled my appointment for 2 months later. I will go to the rheumatologist and physical therapy. I will do whatever it takes to show anyone that I’m not joking, I want answers.
Have y’all dealt with consequences of seeing a therapist or psychiatrist??
I hope not! But please share what you say when people suddenly are weary when the word therapist comes up?