Frustrations with Mental Health and Other Health Care

I’m angry. Do you get judged by other health care providers. Excuse your history of depression or anxiety?

Today, I felt judged. It’s happened before with friends or even strangers when I mention the word Therapist or Psychiatrist, that look, like are you crazy look? They mean well but mental health gets a bad wrap. It makes me to question my decision to send my daughter to the few therapy sessions a year our insurance covers as soon as she can talk. Not for my reasons but so she is used to talking to someone else besides her parents about her problems. I’ve seen how therapy has helped me gain confidence and knowledge of myself and life.

But today, a consultation with a pain management doctor. Oh you see a psychiatrist? Ok then his plan was to increase my depression and anxiety meds. I say “excuse me but I don’t want my meds increased, my psychiatrist has been seeing me for 2 years and doesn’t even think I am depressed. Well he thinks I’m depressed because of pain, not for other reasons”. He proceeded to pretend like he was listening and then prescribe me random drugs he said maybe will help!

Made me so angry I could do nothing but cry! Now I’m just like next doctor maybe I won’t tell them I see a therapist. The doctor today asked why I see a therapist. And I said I was raped in college and molested by my brother growing up. Later he couldn’t even say those words just saying well ugh, your traumatic past is what’s causing your pain. You should buy a book about cognitive behavior. I said “sir, I have a book about it, I studied it in college.” Well then, you know how mind can play tricks on you, you mind is telling you you’re in pain when you aren’t. “excuse me but I swam, all growing up, I swam in college, long practices, hard training and I’ve never felt pain like this. Almost two years full of pain more than 50% worst than my worst training day. Worst than when I strained most of my back muscles swimming, more than when I chipped my ankle jumping of the roof of our shed. I’m not imagining this pain, it is not in my head.”

Automatically he just said well try swimming. “I have, it isn’t worth the way I felt that night and next day”. Well you can do therapeutic stuff in the pool, you learned it in school you can come up with something. My eyes raise and I just stare at him. Ok, I’ll refer you to physical therapy. “Thank you,” I said. Just stared. I can refer you to rheumatology. “My doctor referred me to rheumatology and neurology and they both were denied, they only approved you” and stared again.

Well you don’t need to be on pain medicine. That will make you worse. I could tell he was judging me. Thinking I was drug seeking. “Sir, I don’t want pain meds, they make me sick. I don’t want to mask the pain. I want to figure out what is going wrong, and fix it. That’s all I’ve wanted for 2 years and no one is willing to help but my psychiatrist and he can only do so much.”

Well, that sounds good. Walks out the door. Returns with a prescription and my two referrals.

He didn’t even feel my trigger points. Touch my feet or hands or back for that matter. I felt like he heard therapy and he was ready to leave.

It’s happened before. With my primary doctor. She just tells me to go see my psychiatrist now. And I’m like “I SEE HIM, MORE THAN YALL, he said to come see you!” Well she said, there is nothing more I can do for you.

Anger. I feel anger towards how ignorant they can be about people dealing with mental health issues. I am not crazy because my brother molested me. I’m not crazy because two guys raped me. I’m going crazy cause you arrogant ignorant people won’t take me seriously.

I encourage everyone to go see a therapist. They are (normally) an unbiased person to throw everything that’s going on in your head at and get unbiased advice. Not like friends or family that often tell you what you want to hear or what they want you to hear. They help you come to a conclusion, figure out solutions.

Next time, I’ll suggest my doctors go to therapy to get over their fear of dealing with people with depression and anxiety. At least that make me feel better.

But today, I was polite. In tears but polite. Scheduled my appointment for 2 months later. I will go to the rheumatologist and physical therapy. I will do whatever it takes to show anyone that I’m not joking, I want answers.

Have y’all dealt with consequences of seeing a therapist or psychiatrist??

I hope not! But please share what you say when people suddenly are weary when the word therapist comes up?




10 thoughts on “Frustrations with Mental Health and Other Health Care

  1. I wonder If holistic doctors would be better at listening? That’s super frustrating. I can’t relate to that exact dismissal, but I know that the reason I don’t go to doctors very often is because they always just want to get me out, shove me out.

    • I think they would be. Our insurance doesn’t cover it. I think instead of going prime if we reach the end of this, I’ll tell hubby maybe we should see how much to see a holistic doctor. And compare to going standard! I know I have some military wives on here! Let me know if y’all know how to master the tricare system!

  2. I’m waiting to be tired enough to go to sleep and it isn’t working.
    First – I had to spend more time than I should have writing a statement for my appeal of a denial of Social Security Disability. Seems the Judge thought I was less than credible, in part because of my demeanor at the Administrative Hearing.
    Y’see, my claim is based on Depression, Anxiety and ADD (which can no longer be treated with the only medication that helped keep things in check).
    It’s not that my worthless attorney did much to help, but the written decision from the Judge was based largely on the fact that, no… I didn’t “act” depressed or anxious in his court.

    The statement I wrote starts “I’m trying very hard not to use the word ‘prejudicial.'”
    After a sentence running through the possible alternatives, I summarize my Appeal with the simple observation “Even a hard-core, genetically-predisposed, full-blown, 95-proof alcoholic is not always drunk”.
    Then the gloves came off.
    Bare-knuckle from there stating I felt that I was at a disadvantage from the time I walked into the Hearing NOT acting like Danny DeVito in “Cuckoo’s Nest”.
    A nice, soothing, life-affirming subject to help lull me to sleep.

    Check out my Reader here, catch up on older posts from young&twenty, come across someone calling themselves “GraySkyHippie” …
    … and eventually learn that she has THAT Scarlet Letter AND serious frustrations with the Mental Health Care system.
    Well, my wife received her Letter from her brother over fifty years ago, still is haunted by it, and is having serious challenges totally surviving it even to this day.
    God has helped her forgive the sickening, twisted pervert, but she doesn’t understand why it’s so hard to get past it.
    I told her “The book says we are to forgive. I’ve checked every concordance we have, and NOwhere do I see even an obscure verse in a really short chapter that says anything about ‘Forgive AND Forget.’ I get the feeling whoever it was that tacked on the ‘Forget’ part of it was someone who needed a whole lot of forgiving.”
    And me? I tried for three solid years to get individual therapy sessions from Kaiser Permanente and kept on getting sent to the same Skills Management classes over and over.
    They tried DBT, which helped, but I was almost tossed out of the class for having mentioned during class that the classes we were taking once a week for four weeks were (according to Dr. Marsha Linehan, who DEVELOPED the DBT structure to begin with) supposed to go on for one year in addition to individual sessions of psychotherapy once a week minimum.
    And the one therapy group my psychiatrist said would be perfect for me? There is only one group for the entire Sacramento area, limited to ten patients, open-ended (no timeframe set for it, could go on forever) and closed (guys could stay in it for as long as they wanted, and there was a waiting list).
    When I filed a grievance with Kaiser about that, I was sent a letter signed by someone in Member Services stating that an un-named doctor had determined it was not the proper treatment for me. They would never tell me the name of the doctor, so I don’t know if it is anybody who has ever even met me.

    You have a Sister and Brother In Suffering, and I have to first meet you when I really need to get some sleep.
    It was worth staying up for.

    Listen for my footsteps behind you.

    Thanks for sharing. I’m looking forward to keeping you company on your journey.


    • Sorry in my delay in answering Harris! I’ve been in and out of … Hmmm don’t even know what I was saying. Currently interrupted with a diaper change that turned into a temperature check which turned into a fever! Which turned into finding medicine. It might be selfish but I am annoyed I haven’t been able to write but I’ve read and reread your comment several times now! I am so sorry about dealing with the court system. It sounds beyond frustrating. I hate how people don’t understand unless they themselves have issues or if they are empathetic of someone they know that has had issues!

      I love your remark back to him that an alcoholic isn’t always drunk. I think that really hits home.

      I am so sorry that your wife has had to deal with the hurt and pain her brother caused to her. I am glad she found someone that can understand the down and ups that she goes through. And that’s the same for you!

      You are so right. We don’t have to forget. And forgiving isn’t about letting them “off” but releasing them from your heart and mind so you can let God work on you. Slowly working on that. It’s been a difficult battle because I’ve realized it isn’t just forgiving my brother. Or the guys that raped me but forgiving everyone involved that should have helped or protected me. I didn’t even realize I was holding my forgiveness from them too. But I won’t ever forget. I can’t. Not if I want to change the world! 🙂 or at least putting information, stories and truths about what is going on. That people you’d never expect have been effected by rape, incest, abuse, mental illness. And that makes the not being able to forget feel a whole lot better!

      Thank you for your comment. And I’m sorry about your trouble with the health care system! I can’t imagine the frustration of being told I have one option an unreasonable option and then tell you other options aren’t the proper treatment! Thank you so much for reading Harris, and I will be checking out our page!

  3. P.S.
    One quick thought shared with me by a Jungian gnome with whom I had spent fifty-minute hours in the hills west of Boulder years ago:
    A good therapist will never tell you anything you haven’t already told them.

    • I like that thought a lot! It’s so true. I have loved the two therapists of the dozens I’ve found that just help me how to make sense of the things I’ve told them! Boulder. I love Boulder. That would be a good place to see the greatness in all God has to offer. I just spent a week in the mountains in NC. I get car sick and I still would love to live in the mountains and see the magnificence of God all around me. My aunt lives in Boulder. I dream one day maybe we won’t always take our vacation to see our family family but get to travel and visit maybe extended family in wonderful places like boulder!

      • Something you said a little earlier just hit me:
        “That people you’d never expect have been effected by rape, incest, abuse….”
        I remember one time telling Liz when she was still trying to hide the memories and to hide from the memories that I felt like for the twenty-five or so years we were married at the time that a certain element of our relationship felt like it had been a “twenty-five year mĂ©nage”.
        She had never told her parents (her mother would have related it to herself: HER son would NEVER do something like THAT to HER daughter – would knock HER down off her pedestal of purity and piety) and it’s recently come to light that essentially none of her family believe her. That some therapist put those thoughts in her mind.
        No, you feeble assholes… I heard those stories decades before any Mental Health professional did.
        Some people’s brothers and sisters, y’know?

      • Yes! Since coming “clean” it has been amazing how many people I’ve known had dealt with something similar! I still have lots of those responses that I am not remembering it correctly. And just no response at all. But in the end, the open conversations I’ve been able to have with people since I haven’t had to hide any part of my past have been worth all the negative. I still get down sometimes but it’s been good to have that in my pocket to remind me, good can come out of bad! My husband also wants to fight for me. He hates hearing some of the responses and that makes me feel validated. That someone believes me and someone is on my side.

  4. I caused a major, major stink within the family when (having heard my wife’s stories of their brother), my sister-in-law gave that brother my wife’s direct cell phone number. He called her. Fortunately, I picked up the phone.
    When I told my wife what had just happened, the look on her face was one of terror The sobbing wouldn’t stop, the shaking went on for too long a time.
    I called my sister-in-law to ask her, at the top of my lungs, just why the hell she would give my wife’s phone number to “that sick piece of shit who f—-r-f—-d your sister when she was five years old?”
    Sis’ was incensed that I would use such a foul phrase, and I told her that the phrase “molested” just wouldn’t have made my point, and I assured her those were exactly the words I was looking for, the only phrase that would put a picture in her mind that has never left my wife’s.
    Then I asked her if she was bothered more by her perceived obscenity of the words, the actual obscenity of the act… or the thought that her own daughter had spent time with this precious uncle? That this same twisted pervert could have f—-r-f—-d her very own daughter, her sanctified princess, her perfect child.
    When my brother-in-law called me to read me the riot act, I told him that I might have gotten a little overbearing in tone and volume, but stood by my words, all of them, each and every one of them.

    Went as far as saying that I hope that mental picture I had hypothesized for her would pop into her mind when her husband was doing exactly the same thing to her that their brother had done to my wife when she was five.

    I just looked at it as being an “outspoken advocate”, and if they were more concerned with what I said than what had happened, well they could just go f—– f— themselves.

    I’m gonna be sixty-three on the second of next month, and it seems the older I got, the more and more and more stories I’ve heard from women and even men about episodes in their lives than I ever dreamt possible.

    I don’t think it’s that more prevalent than it ever was before, but the victims have come into the open and realized it is not their letter to wear on their breast.

    • Thank you for sharing. I feel my family just wants to stick my “brother” and I back in a room and say “fight it out” like when we would be bad in the car on a road trip and threaten to not take us in to wherever and leave us to fight it out. But I of course don’t know that. I know I am always last to know if my brother could potentially show up. I was speaking with someone tonight about our abused childhood, hers much differnt than mine but so many similarities. Both being scared to visit family not knowing if our adusers would be present. That I feel like I get the short stick because I’m more responsible in that I can decide 2 months ahead of time if I’ll be going home and they hear from him the day of.

      But I won’t, I won’t put myself in that position. The one that doesn’t know if he is going to just show up. If I have to “sacrifice all my family holidays, then I will! I will because my mental health, my families safety and protection is most important.

      I shared with her, who has had no therapy to my knowledge that it took me several years of therapy and my middles brother “permission” to feel like I could call the cops if he ever came near me again. And that has calmed my anxiety some, given me a plan of action to know how to react. I still fear just running into him at the store, I see him in a crowd or across a room. He hauntes me. I don’t think family gets that. I never would wish that memory on your family member. And I know it made an wonderful point and don’t think it was wrong. I just wouldn’t wish this upon anyone ever but I do wish they understood that is exactly how it is. Memories flood in at the worst time and you can’t forget them. You can’t will them away. You can’t pray for them to go away. Well you can , but I don’t think God works that way. I know He has his reasonings and even the fact for me to empathize with people like I do is enough for me. He has given me a kind heart to worry about the feelings of others. I know He has more for me than that. I am ready to speak up, make my past more vocal and not feel guilty for something I am completely not guilty of! It’s great she has you. Everyone needs a support system. Or just plain support! Thank you for sharing.

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