Talking with my psychiatrist today helped me realize that I hold onto all this guilt about things that I shouldn’t.
I feel extremely guilty about having an organizer is taking a huge chunk of our budget for renovating. My husband hasn’t said one word. Just reminded me that we can go buy new stuff and have the organizer at this point. He hasn’t said anything to make me feel like he is resentful so why should I hold onto the guilt.
Related but other example. My bed. As I sit here and relax in it, 2 nights in a row I might add that I’ve made it up the stairs! But I have extreme guilt weighing me down that we took more money for a very expensive bed that I still can’t get to but 2-3 times a week. My husband cracks jokes, that’s him but hasn’t once said anything to make me feel like he is resentful for that purchase.
My guilt often hits me in spending any sort of money. It clearly doesn’t stop me but I feel guilty. For long periods of time for spending. He doesn’t spend on himself enough. And that makes me feel guilty but he never says anything.
I feel guilty for being sick and tired and a bad mom for not being able to take my daughter out. That I can’t do the art projects I want. But she loves me. She doesn’t seem to mind just hanging with me on the couch or coloring when we can or playing as I lay down. But I hold onto it because I want to be better.
I feel guilty for not being a good friend and visiting people. Same goes for being a good daughter, sister, cousin for not visiting more but no one has said anything negative to me about it, I just hold onto this guilt.
I could go on and on. Not grocery shopping, but my husband likes to go and seems to enjoy the time away.
But anyways. My guilt is that, my guilt. I need to let go of it all and free myself for something I’m feeling. And learn to ask people if I’m upsetting them and deal with it then. Not just carry guilt that doesn’t need to be there.
Guilt is heavy. It weighs a lot. On top of being sick, anxious, frustrated…. I need to work on letting go of the guilt I’m holding onto pointlessly.
Im going to give my guilt to God. Walk away with a lighter load because I don’t need my heart to be overwhelmed. (as you may note my photo (: )
How do y’all handle guilt? Do you too hold onto what you think other people are thinking and let it weigh you down?
Have a guilt free day!