The rest of that semester, and beginning of the next I really worked on myself, making friends. Having fun with girls. It was good, I realized that I didn’t just need to only have boys, have them around, talk to them all the time. That I could find comfort in girls. That everything in life wasn’t just sexual. It was several months of just me feeling Gods grace and peace. Knowing I was strong and could be happy on my own. I was loving the single life still. Going out with my friends. Finally loving the college life a girl is suppose to have.
I would still fall back into old behaviors of having random sex, more with people I knew then. I would just message someone and they’d come and we both get what we needed. But I did start liking people for more than just sex and I was beginning to understand why it was important.
I look back now and see that a lot of me having sex with people of my choosing had been important after I was raped because I choose. It was was me deciding I was going to have sex with them. I liked it not like when I was raped, that the decision being in my control.
Gods view of it, I don’t know. But I know that He has used me since then to understand people in similar situations. That often those people that the world calls sluts or whores, are the people hurting most. The people that might have had something happen to them. Or its the way they are just dealing with their lives. That everyone doesn’t deal with things the way you want them to. I would have never known that if I hadn’t experienced it first hand, and I think God will use me in a special way now because of what I have been through.
I am not saying I handle everything great. I am saying that now have the knowledge more than I can imagine. Knowledge that can help me be sympathetic and empathetic with the people and world around me. I feel extremely blessed that I am able to do that.
I feel not many people in the church have been blessed that way, and if they have, I feel like the church has these rules to follow so you can stay a good person. These ancient bide lines that they choose to follow some and ignore others. I feel like, the ones that haven’t been blessed with these experiences don’t understand but many are in church leadership positions. That maybe their would be more understanding christians and more people interested in the church if their was more understanding of this fact.
We need to be teaching in the church, schools and homes more acceptance. More information should be given from everyone about sexuality, not just the purity talk. Their needs to be more talk about incest, rape, anything and everything in the church.
Then I might not see so many people broken hearted and alone. Maybe the church wouldn’t see so many people turned off to them.
My God, He loves everyone. He wants to be part of everyones lives. He is known for having a heart for the people hurt, sick and the sinners. The church needs to be reminded me of this.
Ok, my rants getting old on that but hope you understand how I feel! Now I have, talked more about my story, I am excited to be more involved in researching on this subject. 🙂