I is for Incest, My Scarlet Letter

No one talks about incest. I didn’t even know how to spell it. I would know, I deal with it almost daily. I have looked for books, blogs, any information on it but have yet to find much more than clinical documents that don’t really help much. I feel like it is my scarlet letter to bear on my own and struggle. There are books on rape. Many about how to overcome or specifics of an an event but not much I could find about the struggle between, not how they felt, how they reacted. Not their story, so we know there are others out there. (please comment on what you have found to help). I have lugged my scarlet letter on my own for far too long.
I have often been angry with the church. Not my God but the church. You’re told from a young age how sex is bad. But you can be forgiven if you ask for forgiveness. But what if forgiveness isn’t needed on your part. 
For me my brother needed Gods forgiveness, not mine. I lived in hiding for more years than I can count. So I no longer wear my incest brand for only me to see but for all to see. Because it is not my fault. It is not my forgiveness to seek and no one should have to feel dirty about something they didn’t do.
I have my trust in a God that’s more compassionate than that. A God that doesn’t just live in the ancient days but a God that is here and now. Living in the present and the future not just the past. My God is good and far too many people are turned off by the way the church go about putting “the rules” on a pedestal. 
Once in high school youth group we were told by our youth leader that the Bible is just a book of stories. Stories that God thought was important to tell. What people went through, and how people handled what life threw at them. 
At first, I didn’t quite understand what they meant. They didn’t stay our youth leaders much longer after that. Not sure if that statement had anything to do with it. But have always wondered if it was because it didn’t quite fit into what the church was trying to teach, a little too outside the box. 

But it made me think then, and it still makes me think. We go on and on about these rules from the Bible. And I fully believe its Gods word. But maybe His plan wasn’t for us to take it so literally but to see the examples he has provided from those times. That He has since had many other examples of people living amazing lives for him. Many didn’t always follow the rules. Even in this ancient Bible book, these stories tell of people that didn’t follow the rules but God thought it was important to share.
I want to go back and read more of the Bible, give you examples. So Im sure there will be more on that.

Thanks for taking the time to read this blog, since writing it I remembered finding this resource, rainn.  I struggled getting help here, I often use the online chat but then I was on hold for forever and gave up. Its easier for me to text, write than talk.  But it might have improved since 7 years.




6 thoughts on “I is for Incest, My Scarlet Letter

  1. I just wanted to say thank you for following Edipus Org, but most of all, thanks for sharing your story. It takes real courage to admit that you've been sexually assaulted, but even more courage to say it to the world. I'm very proud of you.

    As a survivor or incest and rape myself, I can empathize. Please know that you are in my heart and Edipus.org is about helping one another.

    Love to you,

  2. I admire you for talking about the incest in your past so openly. I know a couple of people who are also victims of childhood incest and neither one had a lot of support in dealing with it.

    • I’m sorry if this is a late response or double response, still trying to figure out wordpress but that’ll you. I’ve come to the point where I don’t care who knows, it wasn’t my fault and it’s time to talk openly and freely to get help and help others, thanks for reading and the encouragement.

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